I hate my parents. I got depressed for a week because I can't accept the fact that I hate my parents.
For all these years I've been grateful for them, I've loved them so much that I even strived/been striving to be perfect for them. I planned my future for them and I sacrificed some things for them but now that I'm having megaproblems with my life, they won't help me!
Even if I tell them my problems, they won't get me. Instead of understanding me, they just lecture me and try to judge me. And now, I won't give my 100% trust to them. Even, if mom gave birth to me and dad supported me. Maybe it's time to stop giving my 100% trust to everyone, including my most loved persons, mom and dad. I guess I should have not loved them too much. Now, it's time to be independent and just trust and love God. Because I know God will never leave me, unlike my parents.
I still love my parents, but it's just hard for me to stop loving them WITH ALL MY HEART. I don't know why. I like to give half my life to them but when they do things I don't like, like this, I get so disappointed and sad. I just expect too much from them, because I've given too much for them. I get so sensitive when my dad and mom say bad things about me. Especially my dad.
He's a hypocrite. I think the word was meant for him. Just a moment ago he's saying to himself that her daughters are lazy, but I know he wants to tell me that directly. Well, in fact, he's like saying that we/I got this laziness from him! My mom is never lazy, and opposite to that, HE ALWAYS IS. Fuck him, I should have told him that, but of course I was afraid to. I have a list of proofs that he's lazier than any of us. In fact, if you read my post about my super mom, you'll see a number of chores he's neglecting/ignoring/avoiding to do.
- He can't take care of my baby sister all by himself, and that's a simple fucking thing a man can do.
- He can't fix his things and sometimes he leaves them on the sofa or on any place he wants to. But it actually takes anyone to fix and clean their things for just 5 minutes!
- Let's say he don't have time for household chores because he works twice as hard as mom do for his job. But he has time for karaoke, facebook and relaxing himself on the sofa. IS he an idiot or something?
I won't degrade my dad if he will admit that he's lazy and we're not. But he's always blinded and he loves himself too much that he don't even realize he's becoming worse than us. That's not the first time he prides himself. When I was in second year, I had the most terrifying and the most amazing fight with my dad. He spanked my hand, berated, scolded and yelled at me to fix my things. Recalling those memories, it makes me so angry with him. I know it's my fault, but I'm stressed, got so much to do, and got slept. Can't he just wake me up and tell me to fix my things without yelling and degrading my personality? Worse is he does the same thing, he leaves his things around, but not as messy as I did. But that's fucking unfair. If you want your child to learn from you, then you should act how you want your child to act. He's not a good role model for me. He's not acting as "father". I know, as well, I'm not acting as her "good, obedient daughter", but he's older than me, he should do better than me.
I have no problems with the cleaning when it comes to my mom. My mom can handle any household chore, she's a supermom. I'm lucky to have her. It's just that she don't understand me. She never understand my big problems in life. She keeps on insisting me to tell her what I've been going through, but in the end, she just complains and lectures me about what the wrong thing I did and decisions I made.
It's been like this for 3 years, starting when I was in second year. It always go like, I tell her my problem, she listens, then she discourages me and tells me to stop doing that, that It's my fault blah blah blah. That's what makes her different from dad. Dad listens to me, understands me and doesn't discourage me. But sometimes he don't get me too. They both don't get how my mind and personality works. It's really depressing to know that your parents, which are the only one you know you can count on, don't understand your feelings and notice your improvements and attempts to change. Opening up my feelings doesn't turn out to be as good as relieving and relaxing, instead it just makes me more depressed and hateful of myself.
I think it's better to just bottle up my feelings and solve it by myself because it won't do good when I tell it to them.
