My dad is a hypocrite, my mom is insensitive

I hate my parents. I got depressed for a week because I can't accept the fact that I hate my parents.

For all these years I've been grateful for them, I've loved them so much that I even strived/been striving to be perfect for them. I planned my future for them and I sacrificed some things for them but now that I'm having megaproblems with my life, they won't help me!

Even if I tell them my problems, they won't get me. Instead of understanding me, they just lecture me and try to judge me. And now, I won't give my 100% trust to them. Even, if mom gave birth to me and dad supported me. Maybe it's time to stop giving my 100% trust to everyone, including my most loved persons, mom and dad. I guess I should have not loved them too much. Now, it's time to be independent and just trust and love God. Because I know God will never leave me, unlike my parents.

I still love my parents, but it's just hard for me to stop loving them WITH ALL MY HEART. I don't know why. I like to give half my life to them but when they do things I don't like, like this, I get so disappointed and sad. I just expect too much from them, because I've given too much for them. I get so sensitive when my dad and mom say bad things about me. Especially my dad.

He's a hypocrite. I think the word was meant for him. Just a moment ago he's saying to himself that her daughters are lazy, but I know he wants to tell me that directly. Well, in fact, he's like saying that we/I got this laziness from him! My mom is never lazy, and opposite to that, HE ALWAYS IS. Fuck him, I should have told him that, but of course I was afraid to. I have a list of proofs that he's lazier than any of us. In fact, if you read my post about my super mom, you'll see a number of chores he's neglecting/ignoring/avoiding to do.

1. He can't take care of my baby sister all by himself, and that's a simple fucking thing a man can do. 
2. He can't fix his things and sometimes he leaves them on the sofa or on any place he wants to. But it actually takes anyone to fix and clean their things for just 5 minutes!
3. Let's say he don't have time for household chores because he works twice as hard as mom do for his job. But he has time for karaoke, facebook and relaxing himself on the sofa. IS he an idiot or something?

I won't degrade my dad if he will admit that he's lazy and we're not. But he's always blinded and he loves himself too much that he don't even realize he's becoming worse than us. That's not the first time he prides himself. When I was in second year, I had the most terrifying and the most amazing fight with my dad. He spanked my hand, berated, scolded and yelled at me to fix my things. Recalling those memories, it makes me so angry with him. I know it's my fault, but I'm stressed, got so much to do, and got slept. Can't he just wake me up and tell me to fix my things without yelling and degrading my personality? Worse is he does the same thing, he leaves his things around, but not as messy as I did. But that's fucking unfair. If you want your child to learn from you, then you should act how you want your child to act. He's not a good role model for me. He's not acting as "father". I know, as well, I'm not acting as her "good, obedient daughter", but he's older than me, he should do better than me. 

I have no problems with the cleaning when it comes to my mom. My mom can handle any household chore, she's a supermom. I'm lucky to have her. It's just that she don't understand me. She never understand my big problems in life. She keeps on insisting me to tell her what I've been going through, but in the end, she just complains and lectures me about what the wrong thing I did and decisions I made. 

It's been like this for 3 years, starting when I was in second year. It always go like, I tell her my problem, she listens, then she discourages me and tells me to stop doing that, that It's my fault blah blah blah. That's what makes her different from dad. Dad listens to me, understands me and doesn't discourage me. But sometimes he don't get me too. They both don't get how my mind and personality works. It's really depressing to know that your parents, which are the only one you know you can count on, don't understand your feelings and notice your improvements and attempts to change. Opening up my feelings doesn't turn out to be as good as relieving and relaxing, instead it just makes me more depressed and hateful of myself. 

I think it's better to just bottle up my feelings and solve it by myself because it won't do good when I tell it to them. 

Spinach Salad

Say hi to the first salad I had ever made!

So, I started having a flexitarian (semivegan) diet because 1. I'm getting corpulent, 2. I need it for my voice lessons, 3. I need it for liveliness and health. I start making a salad because it doesn't involve cooking, which I ain't good. I also look for recipe which contains not-hard-to-find ingredients/vegetables so it won't be time consuming. And it ended up pretty good... tasty and it's colorful too which my dad kept admiring. Here's how I do it:

SPINACH SALAD RECIPE

INGREDIENTS:

MAIN INGREDIENTS

• Spinach (I used Baguio Spinach which you can buy if you live here in Philippines)

• Red Cabbage
• Green Lettuce
• Carrots

OPTIONAL

• eggs hard boiled
• bacon
• Green Cabbage
• Cheese (grated, cream, or cheese blocks)
• sunflower seeds 
• crunchy salad croutons

And for my Salad Dressing, I only used ketchup and mayonnaise; mixed it up. But you can/should choose one of these dressings:

• Creamy Cauliflower Dressing
• Caesar Dressing
• creamy Italian dressing
• wishbone red wine vinaigrette
• balsamic dressing
• Pecan dressing
• Honey Dijon
• Ranch Dressing
• Maple Grove Farm's Asiago
• Garlic salad dressing

THE MAKING

For the making, it's actually up to you on how you'll arrange it but this is what I've done:

1. First I washed all the vegetables and everything I will surely eat.
2. I put the spinach (on the bowl) first, then the lettuce and then the red cabbage.
3. Now for the additional ingredients; it's up to you again on how you put it on your salad, but me i just sprinkle everywhere and it's ready to eat
1. hard boil the eggs and make slices
2. chop the bacon into thin slices after u cook it
3. grate the cheese or cut it in cubes/blocks
4. I heat the sunflower seeds on medium heat until golden brown. I don't know if it works to you but after heating the sunflower seeds, it tasted  overcooked, so i removed it from the salad
5. Then for the other ingredients left just put it on your salad, doesn't matter 'cause it tastes the same
6. You can make a dip or just put the salad dressing after all the other ingredients. 

 TADAA!! AND YOU'RE DONE!


However, for those who didn't appreciate my recipe, here's one I got from my dear friend from yahoo answers:

Spinach Salad with Warm Bacon Dressing
4 Servings

Ingredients
8 ounces young spinach
2 large hard boiled eggs
8 pieces thick-sliced bacon, chopped (thin sliced work too)
3 tablespoons red wine vinegar
1 teaspoon sugar, or to taste
1/2 teaspoon Dijon mustard, optional
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste
4 large white mushrooms, sliced
3 ounces red onion (1 small), very thinly sliced

Directions
1. Remove the stems from the spinach and wash, drain and pat dry thoroughly. Place into a large mixing bowl and set aside.
2. Slice each hard boiled egg into 8 pieces and set aside.
3. While the eggs are cooking, fry the bacon and remove to a paper towel to drain, reserving 3 tablespoons of the rendered fat. Crumble the bacon and set aside.
4. Transfer the fat to a small saucepan set over low heat and whisk in the red wine vinegar, sugar and Dijon mustard. Season with a small pinch each of kosher salt and black pepper.
5. Add the mushrooms and the sliced onion to the spinach and toss. Add the dressing and bacon and toss to combine. 
6. Divide the spinach between 4 plates or bowls and evenly divide the egg among them. Season with pepper, as desired. Serve immediately.

Things I should have done before I die

• on new year, make a drawing of the letters of my name (A-R-I-A-N-E), doing my new year's resolution. like what google did:

• on valentines day, give my best friends roses/valograms
• have the best house party ever
• attend at least 5 house parties
• meet Stevie Wonder
• before graduating, make all of my friends sign on my PE shirt.
• drive Kia Soul on the way to university
• kiss a girl
• have a day just munching on lots and lots of chocolates with my friends
• meet Tim Urban, Siobhan Magnus, Tabrett Bethell, Jeremy Sumpter and have them sign on my guitar
• have my best friends sign my shoes
• impress a Science teacher
• on Christmas day, give everyone i know a present
• have five different hairstyles and looks
• be a vegetarian
• be a singer as good as Ariana Grande  and Nina Girado
• be a graduate of a prestigious university in the Philippines and also one in US
• make a pop up book for Philippine prides
• make diorama for house/dreamhouse/school
• make a book for ideal persons
• make a high school slum book
• have a lot of tumbers
• blog about high school: teachers, students all and all
• have my own dog

Yorkshire Terrier

Silky Terrier

shih tzu 

Japanese Chin

Affenpinscher Breed

Border Terrier

Brussels Griffon

Cairn Terrier

Cavalier King Charles Spaniel

Chinese Crested

English Toy Spaniel

Glen of Imaal Terrier

Havanese

Maltese

Norwich Terrier

Papillon Breed 

Pekingese

Pomeranian

short descriptions:

Brussels Griffon - grooming needs, hyperactive, loses interest on training quickly, moody, friendly

Affenpinscher Breed - learning problem

Cavalier King Charles Spaniel - too many sickness

Chinese Crested - skin problem, sensitive

English Toy Spaniel - care, grooming needs problem

Havanese - sickness problem, grooming

Japanese Chin - care problems, good watchdog, sensitive to what others feel

Maltese - prone sickness, obedient

Papillon Breed - watchdog ability, prone to sickness

Pekingese - difficult to train, devoted to master, prone to sickness

Pomeranian - quick to learn, loyal, outgoing

shih tzu - difficult to house train, affectionate, grooming needs prob

Silky Terrier - prone to disorder, difficult to housebreak but can be trained with rewards, energetic

Yorkshire Terrier - grooming!!, training is good

Border Terrier - needs love to be trained, do not go well other with small pets, prone to diseases, friendly and playful

Cairn Terrier - quick to learn, weight gain easily, high energy, bold, fearless, adorable

Glen of Imaal Terrier - intelligent, watchdog ability, do not go well with children and other small pets!!!

Norwich Terrier - may have genetic diseases, quick to learn, energetic

• shop for dog things before having one :)
• sing siobhan's medley: think and living for the city

that's for now

few things i want to spit the fuck out before Christmas

for your information, all of these things are the negative ones, i don't have anything good to tell....

MY DAD IS EPIC

We didn't had our nanny since November. Now, us, family are sharing the household chores. Especially mom and dad. The problem is this: My siblings and I are busy, and the work between my mom and dad is not divided equally. Mom is always doing the chores, doing the laundry all by herself, taking care/feeding my baby sister, cleaning the house, cooking the dinner and all that.

and Dad's like this: taking care of my baby sis, and that's that. My mom barely have a time for internet (she uses Facebook for about a minute), and Dad can have the whole night singing at the karaoke, watching DVDs and such. I'm not like vilifying my Dad, but that's the truth. I love my Dad but not if he do this. I know that he's been going through painful problems but so did mom. I really don't want to post something bad about my dad but I just can't take it, it's UNFAIR! That's a fucking single thing to do why can't you do that, Dad? Why can't my dad take care of my baby sister all the time and just leave it on us? We have busy lives, and I know I should not be like complaining because I'm a teenager that can do stuff that adults can do, like babysitting my sister, but the thing is, like what i said, THAT'S A FUCKIN SINGLE THING that my dad should be doing, my mom has a thousand things to do and she accomplishes everything, why can't my dad do that? I really hate to say something like this but that's the main thing why I hate my dad. I can do the babysitting, i can help in laundry and other household chores (which I already am doing) but dad shouldn't be there, sitting, relaxing and watching TV like what other irresponsible human beings do. We are family, we are all sacrificing our fucking time, we should help each other and every work should be divided.

Now, my dad got home and he got headache (coz from drinking!), so he said he can't take care of Ayette, so my mom had to feed and take care of her again (good thing my mom didn't got mad at him, 'cause she always get mad when dad leaves the work to her). Don't worry, I already have a plan for this household chores, and that includes helping in the laundry, washing dishes, ironing clothes, cleaning the house, so maybe I'll minimize my MOM'S work.

After all that I wrote, dad is still the best guy ever.

I CAN'T START MY EXERCISE ROUTINE

This week, I've been planning to jog around our neighborhood or at the park and I need to choose the best time, place and the best exercises that I will do. So I wrote 4 time options:  5-6 am in the morning, 4-5 pm, 5-6 pm, and 6-7 pm. I judged the perfect time not depending on my mood but depending on the people around the neighborhood that was staying outside. To let you know, my neighborhood isn't the  type of, you know, quiet places with well-built homes, people with good jobs, it's not that. It's like a mix of that and some of the squatter people/areas/places/homes.

So expect there'll be groups of people shouting, having drinks, playing basketball, talking shit and laughing like shits. And I got conscious around these what we call "tambay" people that stay outside (because they have nothing to get busy with). While I jog, I just get paranoid that they'll be talking about me or how I look when I'm having intense workout,  and I can't be comfortable with that.

                                   

 I can stay for the whole time thinking this and that but I don't get the motivation and enjoyment that I should have when jogging. So here, before I was doing this blog, I searched for some alternative exercises that I can replace for jogging and I can just do at home. And again, I'm not putting down the "tambay"people, it's just my prejudice mind that thinks that, no offense please. Maybe I just need to get used to it...

THE COUGH THAT RUINED MY PLANS
Since Sunday I had my cough and cold which I got from my brother. One thing I hate about life is having cough and colds... First, I can't do my voice lessons, Second, my working rate slows down to 20%, Third, I have to take that damn medicines that cost around 800 pesos and do those remedies and practices that consumes just 4-5 hours! It causes so much trouble!!!! I've realized that since last 2 years, and starting from that day I realized it, I promised that I'll stay a meter away from that fucking person who has cough virus or whatever. I wasn't able to do that because I did not know my brother has cough and he slept beside me the night before I got my cough. I don't blame my brother for that and it's not my fault (well, partly it's my fault) so I just have to face it.

 I should have done my vocal lessons but I keep delaying and delaying it until now. Now, I have compiled works to do, not only from the vocal exercises but my studies and all that I missed because of getting sick! I can do the remedies but it's not that fast, and i need to get rid of it FAST! So, instead of drink lemonade, inhaling steam, blowing my nose all the time, I go to the doctor and bought the medicines on hard cash. :(

Well, whether I like it or not I have to fucking do it and deal with it. So I barely finish my activities and now until Christmas I have lots and lots to do. I'm healing and getting better but I haven't get rid of the cough and cold totally. WISH ME LUCK!

Merry Christmas BTW. But for me I think I'll celebrate mine 4 months, after I have that vibrato...

MY AWESOME ENGLISH FORMAL THEME

Today I didn't come to school because I haven't finished my homework in English. It's the most breathtaking overwhelming awe-inspiring jaw-dropping worth reading formal theme I've ever made. FYI  I sacrificed a day for that! Here it is:

NOTE:You may not be impressed

The Three Most Important Persons

The most important persons for me are my family, my enemies and God. I chose my family because they are my foundation. They supported me and built me up. Who would live well without a family? If you have no family then you won’t have your basic necessities and you will literally suffer and die. Even if you have basic necessities, but you don’t have a family that loves you and cares about you, then you wouldn’t know how to love and care about people, how to deal with people and everything else that comes with getting a life. But you don’t also need to have a perfect family that gives you everything and loves you too much (too much or too little of something isn’t good). If my father hadn’t been too strict about my actions and decisions, then I wouldn’t grow up being careful in considering consequences of even the little things I do. I probably won’t have my table organized and clothes neatly folded if mom wasn’t there, because she taught me how to be used in cleaning up my own mess, and organizing them, not only with material things but with my everyday problems in life. My brother and sisters, I they gave me the strength and idea of being positive about everything. My family includes my closest friends, who taught me to ask for God’s help and to follow the steps of Jesus.

There comes God, my inspiration and my ideal ‘person’. I didn’t choose God because of the common reason that he built up the world, he made us and all that, but simply (just like what I’ve written) because he’s my ideal person. Having an ideal person is like having a direction/path for your life leading to whatever your dream is.  All these are our goals in life and having a goal is as important as having a life, because if you have no goal, no dream, no target or no ideal person then you have NO direction to go anywhere. You tend to take everything given to you for granted and just waste the chance given to you by God to live. These are also one of the very reasons why I still live. Having God as my ideal person, I dreamt of helping my family, doing charity works, sharing people what I have and living a life of peace and justice. I’m not always successful in going to the right direction; sometimes I am tempted and I opt to walk the wrong way.

It may be because of my imperfection, because of the criticism I receive or just because of my dear enemies. No matter how nice you are, there’s always someone who hates you, envies you and puts you down. Enemies are the problems in our lives, but they are also the challenges that make us stronger. They give our life significance and adventure, something to look up to. Life would be boring if they weren’t there.  That’s what I am satisfied of, what I need and what life is full of, lot of problems, but also a lot of supports coming from family and one direction to go to God.

When laziness strikes

You know the feeling when you want to do something else, but you still have some ASSIGNMENT to do but you can not do cause you don't want to?

Sunday evening, perfect time for cramming but fuck I don't like cramming but somehow I ended up doing so. I won't  be posting blogs if I was too motivated to do our fucking Investigatory Project. But maybe later, after I finish this blog. Probably, so I can record my thoughts and show this to my Physics teacher.

this is by the way the look of the screen when I started forcing myself to open the MS-WORD:

Doesn't look so exciting :(. But fuck it's 7:40 pm!! I still have to finish, this, take pictures, and prepare myself for tomorrow. At least I've started something. If I was just motivated now, I would have done this already. But yeah, whatever, superheroes don't give up. I gotta finish this.

I'll post later when I'm out of kindness.

bwiset na mga kagroupmates

since ang dami dami dami dami dami kong ginagawa ndi na ako nagpopost maxado. kse super busyyyyyy tlaga namin. And now, kahit sembreak na, angdami ko pa ring iniisip at ginagawa. It's not school related naman, pero para sa College Entrance Exams ko, nag-aaral ako ngayong sembreak.

Kaso, there's always something bothering my mind. Anu yun? INVESTIGATORY PROJECT! bwiset kasi, ako lang at ang papa ko gumagawa... well, literally, ndi lang naman kami, tumulong din last last week yung dalawa kong group mates. Pero what the fuck, wala silang concern sa project! Stressed na ako dito, naaawa pa ako sa papa ko wala na nga pahinga fucking doing my project pa.

Well maybe, it's my fault too. Kasi late na ako magpost ng announcement or late na ako magsabi sa kanila na magkikita sa ganitong araw, blah blah blah at kasi INAAKO ko ung mga trabaho. At di naman 100% ako yung gumagawa, much came from my father. Pero di ba sana naging concern lang naman sila sa project NAMIN! have some sympathy!! ano ba naman yung mga nakukuha kong replies? si Jay-Ar lang yata yung my concern eh, yung iba "Good luck nalang". And what? good luck sa paggawa ng project, N-A-T-I-N? What would I get, a fake "thank you?". haixxtttttt..

I dunno, but I should solve this problem, gusto ko lang talaga ilabas yung sama ng loob ko kasi napupuno na ako. That the main purpose anyway, why I made my blog. Kahit ano naman eh pwede ilagay at siguro wala naman makakabasa at magkakainteresadong basahin ito. Siguro kung pinost ko ito sa facebook I'll get negative feedback for writing vulgar words or get sanctioned or worse! So yeah, better to post here.

There's more, but i really need to go solve my bullshit problem. Chat muna kay God. bye